this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
