He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
