i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
