She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Sex in the backyard? Check.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
