Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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