I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize