At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so let's talk penis.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
