Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
