I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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