you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
