when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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