It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
