Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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