You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
