their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
