you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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