Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
