My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
