I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
