i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
