You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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