I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
