I think I just saw someone hide a body.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
