you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
