I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
