Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
