I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
