and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
