First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
