Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
