So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
