he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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