im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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