I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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