Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
