Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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