My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
