Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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