omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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