Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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