idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
don't judge my taste in strippers
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
