oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
