I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
