so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
