careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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