I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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