Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
