I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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