I think my vagina is haunted
I intend to get homeless drunk
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
