last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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