You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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