Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
