So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
