I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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