so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
