She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
