Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
