I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
