Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
