best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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