what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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