he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
