Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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