Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
