i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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