:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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