She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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