A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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