I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
