If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
