I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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