Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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