I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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