with your own penis?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Randomize
