I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
